Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
