You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
