That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
