I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
