I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
