Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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