if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
