meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
