You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
