just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
