non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
