Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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