just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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