So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
