thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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