My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
