There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
