I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
