Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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