you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
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I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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