By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
