I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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