Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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