You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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