One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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