final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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