hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
