I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
