I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
