Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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