he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
