My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
