And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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