dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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