She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
