James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
