And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
