hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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