i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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