So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
