maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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