I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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