There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
