soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
