so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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