Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
