My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize