I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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