it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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