she was so not down for the gang bang
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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