my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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