can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
