Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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