So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
