i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
