Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
