She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
