he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
