he thought i was a dude.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Less talking, more tequila
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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