Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize