OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
