Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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